One thousand

So, lately I have been trying to sort through some really conflicting emotions I have been having over the past month and a half or so.

And I guess, recently, it has all become so much clearer to me.

Yet, I find myself sitting here at this computer barely able to see the keys I type through the tears welling in my eyes.

I believe one of the consequences of my work-a-holic lifestyle has been the ability to simply be, and live, in the moment. My mind seems to always be racing about how to balance/spend my time, and how I will be able to get the most accomplished in my day. Because of that, I fell into a pattern of using people to help me accomplish my "to-do" list.
Minister to people, check.
Call volunteers to make sure they feel appreciated, check.
Remember people's names to show them how much I care, check.

Granted, this was not actually my thought process, it is almost how my life had become.

I had lost the ability/desire/commitment to say, "Here I am Lord, use me." I can't remember the last time I prayed for God to reveal Himself, or what He wanted me to do (where He wanted me to go, what He wanted me to say, etc.).

I don't want to give the impression that my relationship with God was non-exisistant, it had just become very one dimensional. My side was always talking and doing, but rarely listening and seeking.

He tried to get my attention. I could list all the ways, but you might get bored. In fact, I am sure you would stop reading this blog.....

Here is what I have learned; God wants, desperately, for me to believe HIM.

Not just believe IN Him, but believe Him.

Believe He loves me, believe He has it all under control, believe He is not going to leave me alone to pick up the pieces, believe He truly does have my best interest at heart, and believe when He asks me to do something He will provide the means.

And believe His love for me simply is indescribable.

So indescribable that I received a check for a thousand dollars (in the midst of being faced with a $2000 car repair) with the message that the sender was "simply being obedient to God."

Someone reading this needs to know that God loves you.

His heart breaks over your sorrow, and rejoices greatly over your triumphs..

You are not alone.

I have one thousand reminders of His love in my pocket....

(No, I don't really have $1000 in my pocket...sheesh, I am not that crazy!)