Beginning to understand...

Alright, time for some honest confessions about my week.

This week was less than desirable. It wasn't so much that anything "horrible" or "stressful" happened, it was a rough week from start to finish. Draining.

As each day passed I kept wondering why this week was so draining? What was making it so hard?

I think I am beginning to understand. I think God is beginning to get a message through to me He started trying to deliver back in August. My second post was titled "Holy Discontentedness" (and to understand more clearly you are welcome to check it out) based off of a sermon I heard Bill Hybels give at the Leadership Summit.

I could not figure out for the life of me my holy discontent. That began to change this week.

Vincent. (No, not Vincent Young, Heisman hopeful, for all you longhorn fans.)

Vincent from my unique fourth grade class.

I love this kid. He has the greatest smile. He is full of energy and has so much personality. He is hilarious. He has no self-control. He virtually never remembers to raise his hand. He has one volume, loud. He can be disruptive, but it is completely unintentional. And I love him. But some days he frustrates the heck out of me, because all I hear is his voice. I can remind him to raise his hand ten times and the eleventh he still talks without permission.

But I learned something about Vincent on Friday.

Vincent had to come eat his lunch in my office because he lost the privilege of watching a movie in his regular classroom because of his behavior.

As he pulled out his lunch I watched in horror. He had two bags of cheetos, a tupperware dish of spanish rice, and four packets of gusher fruit snacks, oh, and capri sun to drink. So, I began to ask Vincent all kinds of questions about who made his lunch (him), what did he have for breakfast (nothing), what did he have for dinner (nothing), does he like fruit and veggies (yes, but there aren't any at his house), does he drink milk (no), and so on.

And my holy discontent erupted in my soul.

How could he be expected to remember his name on a diet like that? Much less to raise his hand or do long division? Why should a fourth grader be expected to have adult responsibilities at the age of nine?

What makes it even worse, Vincent's parents solution to his struggles in school are very simple. Our assistant principal told me that in the confrence she was in with his father, he turned to Vincent and told him if he could not "cut it" at our school he would ship him to boarding school in Nigeria. What is worse, two of Vincent's older brothers have already been shipped off.

This little boy lives every day with the very real realization that his performance determines his worth. He earns the ability to stay in his family, not because he is loved but because he hasn't messed up bad enough yet.

This is not what God desires for Vincent. This is not the love of a Father.

Children who are neglected, who have not been shown unconditional love, whose basic needs are not met, who have not been able to enjoy the excitement and fun of childhood, they are the picture of my holy discontent.

Lord may the fire of this discontent never die. Help me to feed the fire You have ignited within me, and not try to extinguish it.

Pray for Vincent. We are doing an experiment next week. I am going to bring him breakfast everyday, and we are going to see if that helps him concentrate at all. Pray he will one day discover the love of his heavenly Father, and that he will allow that Love to restore his childhood.