Love Feast

So, this has been mulling around in my heart since Sunday. I haven't wanted to post it because, well, I wasn't sure I could do it without an emotional breakdown. Then, it dawned on me that none of you will ever know if I do have an emotional breakdown while typing, so I should just go for it!

Sunday, is now one of my favorite days of the week. It didn't used to be that way. In fact, there was a time when I would wake up on Sunday and cry all the way to Church. When God released me from that ministry I felt certain I would never have to serve on a Church staff again. Well, that lasted about a year, and God called me to serve at Creekside. And now, after almost one year of serving at Creekside, I can still say Sunday is one of my favorite days of the week!

And this Sunday, it changed me.

Not that other Sundays haven't changed me, but this was somehow different.

After church we had a meeting with all of our ministry team leaders. It is a time of training, encouragement, and fellowship for the leadership of the Church to ensure we are all on the same page and staying focused on what God has called us to do. The meeting itself was nothing spectacular. Being on staff, I pretty much already knew the content of what would be shared, so there was nothing surprising.

Then Greg, our lead pastor, told us all to move our chairs into a giant circle. And I feared the worst... a stupid getting to know you game.

But, instead we had a love feast. Greg would put a different leader (and their spouse) in the middle of the circle and we would go around the circle and share some sort of love/encouragement/story about that person.

As we went around the circle the first time, I sat in my chair utterly amazed at how the couple in the middle had touched so many lives. How here at our little tiny church plant, the body of Christ was doing what I believe God intended it to do all along. This realization alone moved me to tears.

And there were lots of tears shed. Somehow, in some way, there was freedom and safety to be real, share your real heart, and say those things sometimes we just think and never challenge ourselves to say.

But for me, words of encouragement and affirmation are one of the natural ways I show love. So, this part of the exercise was not all that stretching. I was quite content being overwhelmed at the visual portrait of the body of Christ that was being etched in my memory. Then, Greg put me in the middle of the circle.

You see, the hard part about sitting in the middle of the love feast is that you didn't get to say anything in response to the love you are showered with. You simply have to sit there and listen. Sit and listen to other people shower you with Love and try to soak it in. Try to receive it. Try to let His love change you.

Why is it so hard to receive love? I try and convince myself that I can receive love, but when put in a position of receiving love without being able to respond, I realize that my receiving is dependent upon my ability to reciprocate.

Where I am really stuck is in how this relates to my relationship with God. You simply can not give back any amount of love that comes close to reciprocating the love of Christ. And any attempts at this only cheapen what happened on the Cross.

Do I allow myself to soak in a Love that is totally undeserved?

Do I submerge completely in this Love that can not be re-paid?

Do I force myself to be uncomfortable with this Love, so that I may one day understand it better, and one day shower others with this same Love?

How about you, do you receive love well? Try it. The next time someone blesses you with love or words of affirmation, take note of your response.

Here is to praying you have a love feast of your own to share...