Okay, if you are as wierd as me you are humming a little piano jingle that will continue to haunt you for several hours after you have stopped reading this post....
Have you ever had a feeling that the end was near?
No, not like the end of the world, but just the end of something significant in your life. Maybe a relationship with someone or the end of a job you never thought you would leave or a road previously unmarred by stoplights soon to be broken down by several....
It kind of feelings like your heart is at war with your soul.
Or maybe even the end of a season of your life...
I have that feeling. And I hate it.
Part of me hates it because I know I have taken this past season for granted at times. I haven't always appreciated the different aspects of it, and sometimes (okay, honestly most of the time) I just assumed that the season would never end.
And another part of me hates it because I know what happens when a new season begins....it starts to replace the old season. And as each day wears into the next the loves and lights from the last season grow dimmer and dimmer. Until one day you wake up in winter and realize only a few small flickers of autumn have survived in your heart. The rest have faded away completely.
Where did this feeling come from? Why is it haunting me again? I thought I had protected myself from this....
Somehow I thought I was protected from life. Like somehow God and I had a special deal, because He loved "ME" so much I would get to pick whatever season I loved and stay there forever.
But now I am realizing that He loves me too much to let that happen.
And He loves me enough to make me fully aware of what is about to happen... so as the winds of autumn start to slowly turn into winter I will not have missed the last precious moments of this passing season. He has opened my heart up to treasure these moments so closely because one day I am going to wake up in winter.
Help me trust you more, Creator of each season of my soul.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Heart and Soul
Posted by Ashlee Liddell at 3:48 PM
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5 comments:
Winter isn't all bad - yes it is cold. But there are few things in the world as great as waking up to a fresh snowfall and an unexpected snow day. And there are the warm, comfy clothes and the best part of all...Christmas!
God has always been faithful to us to provide for us so far in life. None of the wonderful things in this season of life would have occurred if we wouldn't have taken a risk and depended on God for them.
Beautifully put, Ashlee. I am praying for you.
Lately I've been thinking about this so much, Ashlee. So much. With all my work stuff -- is this the end of an era? An end to the identity I've given myself for the past six years? What all my steps were striving for?
Anyway, I am finding that it's hilarious..... Something I thought was dead may not be dead at all. Something I made peace with ending. Something I gave up to God and let go. God may be bringing it back to me.
It's a weird journey. Either way, now that I've relinquished it to him and given it up into His hands totally, I just feel ... free. To do what he wants.
ber, you are right (of course) except for winter not being all bad. Right now (you know I am not rational about this) it is all bad and you won't get me to admit anything else.....period.
Thanks Cara, for praying. I am blessed by your friendship.
Jennifer, thank you for your thought-provoking comments. I have been wondering if the ability and willingness to change (even the things dearest to your heart) is perhaps the definition, or key to freedom in Christ? Your comments seem to communicate some of that same idea.
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