I'm trying...

My original plan was to have a post and mention nothing of hurricanes, survival, no electricity, gas supply scares, etc.

Not a thing.

Mostly because I want it to all go away.

So, in hopes of the rest of the world (by world I mean the couple million of us impacted by Ike) would play along with me.

But I can't even pretend this morning.

I don't like change.

And I certainly don't like change for no good, explainable reason.

To be real honest, I wasn't going to post about all this hurricane drama in part for my denial wishes but also because I know how incredibly shallow and selfish this all is.

I really have been able to have a positive and grateful attitude throughout most of this ordeal. And what I have shared previously, is and was true. I am thankful for all my family was spared, for how our area was protected, and for all the provision we are being afforded.

I think it boils down to this; when a major change is going to happen, I feel I deserve an explanation. And God doesn't agree, then I at least want some warning so I can prepare myself for not understanding why.

And it seems like over the last year or two there have been some pretty major changes in my life that I have no explanation for, and have come without warning.

And if I was honest with myself -and you- I have been holding on to a list of these things.

That way, when I am asked to trust God, or take a leap of faith, I can have hard evidence for why that probably isn't in my best interest.

The reality is, Ike has shown me just where my line in the sand is with God. Just how much of my life I am willing for Him to lay claim to, and just how much I still need a say in.

And it is an uncomfortable place to be.

But it's an honest place.

Thankfully for me, my God has patience, wisdom, and love beyond measure.